


You're in Too Deep, I Think You Need to Chill

by jasminloveskadena



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Growing Up Together, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Mental Health Issues, Post-Finale, Practice Kissing, Recreational Drug Use, References to Drugs, Romance, Sexual Content, Teen Angst, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, i love all the characters besides the guys except for fez, let them get through this please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-10 06:46:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20131069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasminloveskadena/pseuds/jasminloveskadena
Summary: "With gatorade-liquor still running fresh in her system, Lexi Howard sat in the passenger seat of her big sister Cassie’s car, watching the night pass by her...and she was definitely going to go and do whoever the fuck she wanted. But first she had to get home and Jesus Christ, Cassie was driving so fucking slow."Post 1x08; Lexi centric (r e x i)





	1. Gatorade and Everclear

**Author's Note:**

> hope y'all enjoy 
> 
> also we just gotta appreciate bob ross i mean lexi, like come on she da best :)

_ “How do you decide who you want to hook up with?” _

_ “I don’t know, they usually come to you.” _

_ “No, but what if they don’t?” _

_ “You go and do whoever the fuck you want.” _

_ “Yeah. Ok… Imma do that.” _

Starting with three people in the car and leaving with two, they left the winter formal an hour before it ended, tired of breathing the stench of sweat and hormones in the school atmosphere. 

With gatorade-liquor still running fresh in her system, Lexi Howard sat in the passenger seat of her big sister Cassie’s car, watching the night pass by her. Her head was throbbing and she felt like the world around her was spinning, but the only thing that gave her comfort were Cassie’s words from not too long ago. Cassie always gave good advice, but tonight, it struck differently. It stuck with Lexi in her soul. Hell, maybe the alcohol intensified her appreciation for Cassie’s advice, but Lexi couldn’t deny she felt different. She felt stronger.

And she was definitely going to go and do whoever the fuck she wanted.

But first she had to get home and Jesus Christ, Cassie was driving so fucking slow.

“Cass, could you like… drive any slower?” She groaned, still staring out the window. 

“Shut the fuck up and don’t rush me, sheesh. You drank too much gatorade tonight, Lex,” Cassie said rolling her eyes. 

Lexi turned over, facing Cassie. Cassie, in turn, glanced at her and back at the road.

“I have to pee like super bad.” That was a lie, but she knew Cassie wouldn’t speed up any other way. She turned back to the window, smiling softly as she felt the car speed up. She closed her eyes for a quick second--the alcohol beginning to do its job--and before she knew it, they were standing in front of their door, waiting for their mom to let them in.

“Cass, you know you have keys, right?” Lexi said, squinting at her older sister.

“Lex, shut up and wait for mom.” Cassie said, softly pushing Lexi’s shoulders. 

Lexi shrugged her shoulders and gazed back at the door, hearing soft footsteps on the other side. 

They both took a step back, watching the door knob slowly turn and their mother smiling at them. 

“You girls have a fun night?” Their mom said, her voice slightly hoarse, as she pulled both of them in for a quick hug. Cassie nodded her head yes, describing the night in her own words. 

“How about you, Lex? You have a fun night?” Her mother asked, still hugging the two of them.

Fun? Fun was far from what she experienced. Sure, she hung out with her friends (until they each dipped one by one, leaving just Cassie and herself), and sure, she was super happy for Kat and Ethan. The gatorade definitely made the night more tolerable. And yes, she even did get to hang out with Rue again, which is always nice. But the crappy parts overrode the good parts. 

When the topic of peaking came up, she felt as if she didn’t even qualify as a person so “peaking” was way out of her league. However, the conversation took a turn when Rue said she didn’t even think she’d get to where she was now. Lexi’s heart sank, but she understood where she was coming at. But the good thing was Rue was clean for three months now (despite being let out of rehab for six months), and Lexi has never been more proud of her. Rue was one of the strongest and captivating people she knew. She could get through anything. 

She just wished she was sitting in Jule’s chair. If she was, she’d be the one defending Rue and holding her hand, comforting her. She’d be the one taking her hand and leading her to the dance floor. She’d be the one fidgeting back and forth struggling to match Rue’s fluid dance moves because she can’t dance for shit. She’d be the one being led outside of the school and whipped away to somewhere where it’s just them. 

But she wasn’t Jules. Jules was eccentric and adventurous. Lexi was not. Jules was spontaneous and out of this world. Lexi, just couldn’t compare. No wonder Rue was obsessed with Jules. Who wouldn’t be? 

“Tons of fun, mom.” She said, choosing not to spill the hour long rant swimming in her head. Breathing in the familiar scent of wine always emanating from her mother, she kissed her mother goodnight after Cassie, and followed her big sister upstairs to change. 

After taking off her dress and removing her makeup, Lexi grabbed her phone from her nightstand and sunk into her bed, lying on her stomach. 

She unlocked her phone and quickly went to her messages, looking for Rue’s name. Rue left pretty early at the dance, so... it wouldn’t hurt to ask if she got home safe, right? She was her best friend, after all. Or at least she thought. Rue never confirmed this after her outburst in the bathroom sometime ago. But, her and Rue did bond at the skating rink and Rue did come to her a lot about the whole “Jules and Nate Conspiracy” thing. Lexi smiled. She liked that they had their little “Harold and Bennett” schtick. It was _ just _ for them. Anyways, yeah, Rue and her were still best friends. For sure. Right?

_ To Rue: Hey rue, u up? _

Lexi shook her head, deleting her text which has been stated by millions of fuckboys around the globe. She should keep it light and simple.

_ To Rue: Hey _

A simple “hey” should suffice. It’s vague, but appropriate. Caring, yet _ cool _. Lexi groaned again. 

_ To Rue: Hey beautiful ;) _

She quickly deleted whatever that mess was and sunk her face into her pillow, groaning even louder.

“You good, Lex?” Cassie said, sitting up on her bed.

Lexi waved her hand in the air, “Yeah, I’m fine. Night Cass.”

Lexi heard a yawn accompanied with a soft thud across the room. 

“Night Lex.”

_ To Rue: nite rue :) _

She hit **Send** and put her phone on her bedside table, snuggling herself in her blankets. Tomorrow she’d plan on hanging out with Rue. Tomorrow would be the day. So, she closed her eyes and dreamed of the curly haired manic, hoping she was safe in bed.

Except Rue was a neighborhood away, in her room, selling herself out and finding comfort with her past demons.


	2. Dance, Dance, Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi steps the fuck up and asks Rue to a movie. References to Dance Dance Revolution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a long one... sorry for that, it's just i have a hard time stopping when i write haha and i was abt to chop this chapter in half but what the heck, i thought i'd just leave it how it is
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy :)

When Lexi woke up the next morning, she eagerly threw her blankets off of her and snatched her phone from her bedside table. However, with great disappointment, her phone only showcased notifications from various social media apps and Youtube. Not a single one from Rue. 

She decided not to take it to heart so quickly because it was still morning, meaning Rue definitely had some time to text back. Rue could be a late sleeper. Lexi smiled softly, feeling confident that Rue was still all cozy in her bed, not even seeing her text yet. But, she did only text Rue “good night” so technically, it didn’t really pave the way for further conversation. Lexi furrowed her eyebrows again. _ Fuck _ . She should’ve said more so that Rue _ actually _ responds. However, Rue wasn’t the type of person to just not answer a text. Her and Rue were _ cool _. Why wouldn’t they be anything other than cool, right?

“Lex, are you good over there? Your face is going a mile a minute,” Cassie groaned, stretching from her bed across the room.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Morning,” Lexi said, getting up from her bed and heading to the bathroom.

Lexi picked up her toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste onto the bristles of her brush. She rinsed her brush with a little water, and just as she was about to put the brush in her mouth, Cassie opened the door, startling her, which made the paste on her brush fall in the sink. 

Lexi squinted at her, “Really, Cassie!” She grumbled, picking up the paste and reapplying it to her brush. 

Cassie rolled her eyes, pulling her shorts down and sitting on the toilet. “This is the better bathroom and you know it,” she said looking at Lexi through the mirror, “And it’s not my fault you’re super dramatic and got startled by me _opening_ _a_ _door_. If you really wanted to be alone, you would’ve locked it.”

Cassie could be annoying sometimes, always overdoing things for the sake of sounding smart and witty. 

Lexi ignored her and continued brushing her teeth, hearing the toilet flush and Cassie next to her, washing her hands.

“We should do something today,” Cassie started, reaching for her brush and paste, “Cuz it seems like Maddy is busy with… Nate? I don’t know, she hasn’t answered my texts yet. Oh, and we could invite Kat, if she isn’t super busy with her new boyfriend, of course.”

Lexi grabbed a towel, drying her mouth. “We should bring Rue.”

Cassie raised an eyebrow, mouth full of toothpaste foam, “She’d probably choose to hang with Jules ‘cuz she’s always running around with her somewhere. The two are inseparable.”

Damn. Even Cassie knew she’d pick Jules over her. 

“Spit that out of your mouth, Cass. Shit’s gross.” Lexi grimaced, walking out of the bathroom and downstairs. Entering the kitchen, she grabbed a bowl and some cereal, her mother’s snoring rumbling from upstairs. 

She sat down at the table and poured some milk into her bowl and some Cap’n Crunch, waiting for her sister to come down and join her. After a minute of eating, Lexi felt a vibration in her pocket, eagerly causing her to drop her spoon in her bowl and snatch her phone out. 

_ From Rue: mornin howard :) _

Yes! Success! Rue texted back with a smiley face and all (that _ had _to mean something). Lexi reached over her back and patted a couple times. Job well done. Job well done indee--

“Are you patting your own back?” Cassie laughed, sitting down next to Lexi with her own bowl and spoon in hand. 

“Um, no… ” Lexi murmured, holding her phone underneath the table. Cassie shrugged and began eating her cereal, watching some obnoxious wedding video on the Youtube trending page. 

_ To Rue: morning bennett :) _

_ To Rue: do you wanna hang out today? like with Cass and Kat? _

_ To Rue: or just me, like haha it doesn’t matter _

Lexi sighed and hit **Send**. Did she always sound like such a dweeb? And why in the world did she send three texts in a row? Also, why did she reply back so quickly? She should’ve waited a minute or two at least. 

_ To Rue: u can bring jules if u want _

Was she a clown for literally asking to be a third wheel? Probably. Hitting **Send** was one of the hardest things Lexi ever had to do, but if it made Rue happy, then it made her happy… she guessed.

_ From Rue: ngl I kinda don’t wanna hang with all of them again, like yesterday we hung out so _

Oh. That’s understandable. 

_ To Rue: what if it was just me and you? we could go to the movies or sum _

Lexi anxiously tapped her thumb on the corner of her phone, waiting for a response. 

_ From Rue: haha ye, be there in a few _

“Yes!” Lexi shouted, jumping up from her seat. A day alone. Just her and Rue hanging out like normal people. Of course she loved their “Harold and Bennett” detective work from the other day, but she craved being with Rue just for the sake of being with her, and not just to come up with theories and watch Rue smoke toxic cigarettes all day. But damn, she couldn’t deny Rue looked good with that cigarette.

“What are you jumping for?” Cassie said, re-filling her bowl with more cereal.

Lexi sat back down and began shoveling some of her cereal into her mouth. 

“Victory, Cass. Victory.”

Cassie raised an eyebrow. “And that means…”

“It means I’m gonna hang with Rue alone today. Sorry Cass.” 

Cassie shrugged, “No problem Lex. I’ll just hang with Kat or maybe Maddy, if she isn’t still with Nate.”

Lexi nodded her head and finished her cereal. Rue lived pretty close to her, so she’d probably be ringing her doorbell in about ten to fifteen minutes. 

“Shit, I gotta change.” Lexi said, grabbing her bowl and practically throwing it in the sink, much to Cassie’s irritation. She sprinted upstairs and into her room, trying to find the perfect outfit for her date hangout with Rue. Something that’s not too basic but something that’s not too extra either. 

“Cassie! I need your help!” Cassie was awesome with fashion, and the second Cassie came upstairs and heard Lexi’s dilemma, she immediately began helping choose her outfit, curl her hair, and apply her makeup. And Lexi couldn’t even deny that she didn’t look hot. She hoped Rue would appreciate it too. 

Lexi was dressed in a nude lace-up cami top adorned with baby blue high-waisted ripped jeans. She turned to the side, poking out her butt in the mirror. Cassie chuckled. 

“My ass is kinda good, right?”

Cassie nodded, “In those jeans, they make your ass _ really _ good, not kinda.” 

Lexi turned around, facing Cassie. “Do you think Rue and I could become close like before?”

Lexi watched as Cassie looked down at her feet and then back up to her, “Yeah, why not?”

Yeah. Why not. If Rue and her were close before, then they could become close again. And if she wanted to squeeze in with Rue and Jules and make it a threesome (author’s note: haha), then that would be fine. Just fine. Being the third wheel isn’t so bad, right?

“Girls, who left a dish broken in the sink?”

Shit. She forgot about that. 

“And why is Rue hovering by our door so early?” 

“Shit. Shit. Shit,” Lexi said, thanking Cassie before running (and almost falling) down the stairs, stopping abruptly in front of the door. 

“Morning, mom. Sorry about the bowl, by the way,” Lexi said quickly before placing her hand on the door knob and taking a deep breath, “I'm gonna hang with Rue a bit today.”  
  
“It’s okay, just be careful next time, Jesus. And have fun, just be careful when you're with... _Miss_ _Rue_,” her mother said, throwing herself on the couch and pouring herself a glass of wine. 

Lexi rolled her eyes and quickly turned the knob, her smile abnormally huge upon seeing Rue Bennett, her hands fidgeting in her pockets and curls flying in all directions. She stood up straight showing off her signature maroon hoodie and Chucks. The only thing a bit off were her eyes, slightly dim and faint, almost as if she was in desperate need for sleep. Maybe it was just the sun’s reflection in her eyes, making it appear a bit strained. Lexi didn’t know for sure, but she decided to look past it. 

Rue blinked a couple of times, her grin broadening. “Lexi,” she chuckled in a sing-song voice, wiping away some loose curls from her face, “You gonna say hi or just continue staring at me?” She stepped closer, pushing Lexi’s shoulder playfully. 

Lexi shook her head and cleared her throat, “Sorry, sorry. Hey Rue,” she said, laughing and pushing Rue back, “You’re always in that same hoodie, huh?” 

Rue shrugged, looking at the ground. “It’s comfy.”

Lexi nodded, rubbing the back of her neck, “So, uh, we should get going. We don’t wanna miss the movie.”

Rue smiled, “Lex, we didn’t even pick a movie yet.”

Lexi opened her mouth to answer, but her mother interrupted, glass in her hand and eyes looking Rue up and down. 

“Hey there, Rue. You're looking comfy, huh?”

Rue shrugged her shoulders, “Feeling comfy too, Ms. Howard.” 

“How you been?” Her mother asked, squinting at the lanky girl in front of her. 

Rue shrugged again, “I’m fine.”

“Rue is fine, mom. Always has been,” Lexi cut in, taking Rue’s hand and mentally noting how soft they were, “and we got to go soon before we miss our movie.”

Her mother nodded her head and bid them a fun time, shutting the door. 

“What was that about?” Rue murmured, itching her head as she followed Lexi down her driveway. 

“Honestly, I have no idea. She can be like that sometimes, I don’t know.” Lexi answered, looking down at their interlocked hands. Oh my God. They were still holding hands. 

Once they got to the end of the driveway, Rue stopped, watching Lexi climb onto her bike. 

“I, uh… forgot my bike,” Rue said softly, avoiding eye contact with Lexi. 

Lexi’s jaw dropped. “You forgot _ your bike _. Rue, I don’t have a car to drive us.”

Rue raised her hands in surrender, “I know, I’m sorry. I walked here, though. I got plenty of exercise so that’s a good thing.” 

Lexi just stared at her incredulously. 

“I could hold onto you from the back… if you want.” Rue murmured, swaying back and forth on her Chucks. 

How on Earth did she forget her bike? The movie theater wasn’t close enough for them to walk, so she had to have known she needed it to get there. 

Lexi nodded and waited for Rue to climb behind her, involuntarily holding her breath at the feeling of wrapped arms around her torso. She exhaled as she kicked off the driveway and pedaled down the street, smiling stupidly at the feeling of Rue resting her head on her back. Maybe it was a good thing that Rue forgot her bike afterall. 

* * *

“Sorry ma'am. _ Fever _ starts in an hour and a half.”

Really? When a theater picks a time, they should just stick with it. 

“On my Fandango app it says it starts in like ten minutes,” Lexi said, giving her phone to the ticket seller. 

“I’m sorry, but we had an issue so we had to push it back,” he muttered, giving Lexi her phone back, “I can switch your ticket to the one that is playing in an hour and a half, if you’d like? You don't have to pay again.”

“Yeah, but--” Lexi started, but stopped when Rue put her hand on her arm, turning around to face her, “Yeah, Rue?”

“Lexi, it’s fine. We can just play in the arcade over there until then,” she said, pointing to the arcade room to the left of the theater, “don’t even try and tell me that dance game doesn’t look fun as fuck.” 

So, just because Rue made the offer seem all that much satisfying, she switched their tickets to the showtime an hour and a half later, and followed her to the arcade section. 

“I am an amazing dancer, Lex. Trust me with this,” Rue chuckled, taking some stray coins from her hoodie and jamming it into the coin slot. Lexi smiled and stepped back, watching Rue step onto the four arrowed floor pad. Rue scratched the side of her face, cocking her head. 

“Aren’t you gonna join me, Howard?” Rue said, pointing to the second floor pad to the right of hers. 

Lexi laughed. “Bennett, dancing isn’t my strong suit.” She absolutely would not embarrass herself in front of Rue. Nope. Not gonna happen.

“Come on, Lex. It’s not _ that _ hard. See?” Rue said, moving her arms in a fluid wave. How in the world did she do that so effortlessly?

“First of all this game tests your feet skills, not your arm skills, but fine! Fine,” Lexi agreed, standing on her floor pad and watching Rue click through the main menu of the game. 

Generic pop music blasted out of the jukebox and the game began. The music was louder than she had expected it to be, causing her to only move small steps at first, trying to ignore the stares being sent at both her and Rue. Lexi quickly glanced over to Rue, expecting her to embarrassed just like she was, but instead she saw the opposite. Rue’s eyes remained locked on the screen, her feet perfectly matching each and every direction being shot her way. The little additions of hip movements and arms wiggles made it appear clumsy yet relaxed. Like she was in her room alone, dancing without the fear of being judged or ridiculed. She was beaming, laughing at the song and how hard it was gradually becoming, her feet beginning to miss a dance move every now and then. Lexi finally looked back at her own screen, taking notice of all the missing dance moves she ignored. The feeling of embarrassment dissipated the second Rue caught her eyes, smiling in that goofy way that she does. Together, they danced to the obnoxious pop song, their feet in sync. Whether they were succeeding or failing didn’t matter to her. The only thing that mattered was seeing Rue carefree and having fun, something Lexi hadn't seen in a long time since their hangout at the ice rink. She didn’t want the song to end. 

Rue was panting, her face slightly red, as she got off of the floor pad and fell down onto her ass, her hands resting on either side of her. 

“That is enough exercise for one day,” Rue panted, curls covering her entire face, “Holy, fuck. I am tired.”

Lexi laughed, wiping the sweat off of her forehead, “You’re good at dancing, shut up.”

Rue stood up, “Never said that I wasn’t,” she said confidently, moving her arms in a fluid wave again.

Lexi threw her head back, snorting. “Let’s play again, Bennett.”

Rue waggled her eyebrows, patting herself on her back. “I knew you’d like this game from the very start. Thanks to me, of course.”

Lexi grabbed Rue’s hand and led the taller girl back to the dance pads. “You may have won the first time, but there’s absolutely no way you’ll win this time.”

They continued to play until their movie was about to start, with Rue winning every single time. Winning an impressive nine out of ten games. She only lost the last one, but that was mainly due to her feeling bad that Lexi was just utterly terrible at the game. Lexi didn’t care though. She’d play the game for another hour if it meant she could watch Rue’s rare displays of happiness.

* * *

It was half-way through the movie when Lexi noticed Rue’s leg shaking up and down, one hand being nibbled in her mouth and the other gripping the chair handle tightly. Her and Rue were seated in the back end of the theater, alone except for two or three other people in the five chairs ahead of them, the only sound being a platinum blonde-haired girl screaming in agony on the big screen. 

Lexi reached her hand over and gently placed it onto Rue’s leg, immediately ceasing its movement. 

“What’s wrong, Rue?” Lexi asked, eyes locked with the taller girl’s. 

She swallowed and took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she mumbled, eyes glancing back at the movie, “... I miss Jules. Like, a whole fucking lot, and it just hurts… a ton.”

Well, that was unexpected. And Jesus Christ, talk about a shot to the heart.

“Oh,” Lexi murmured, removing her hand from Rue’s leg, “Let’s um… invite her then, like we could hang with her after the --”

“No, Lexi. She _ left. _ She _ fled _ . She _ escaped _ . She _ dipped _.” Rue interrupted, starting to get up. 

Lexi pulled her back down, grabbing her hand. “Rue, what are you talking about? Talk to me, please.”

Rue looked at Lexi and then towards the screen, her lips twisting as she shook her head. 

“This blonde girl has got fucking _ nothing _ on Jules, bro,” she chuckled bitterly. 

“Hey, hey, focus on me, Rue,” Lexi pleaded, tapping Rue’s arm and starting only when Rue’s eyes were locked with hers, “what happened with Jules? Tell me, Rue.”

Rue toyed with her hands in her hoodie pockets, looking down at her Chucks. “Jules, uh, got on the train to the city.”

“When is she--”

“I don’t know for how long, but yeah, she left. I’m such a fucking idiot, Lexi.”

“No, don’t say--”

“I should’ve just fucking went with her, but I’m a fucking pussy, alright?” Rue wiped at her eyes, and flashed her middle finger up to some guy who turned around concerned. 

“You’re not a pussy, Rue. You’re strong, I know that. And even you do too. You made the right choice staying. You have your family. They’d miss you. Your mom and Gia would miss you. _ I _ would miss you,” Lexi admitted, holding Rue’s hand tightly in hers, “I’d miss you so much.”

Rue blinked, eyes wide and locked on Lexi’s. 

“Rue, Jules isn’t…” She paused, trying to tie together her thoughts into coherent sentences. “She’ll come back. I’m sure of it. She has you and her dad,” Lexi quavered, hoping whatever she was saying was sticking with her friend, “She would miss you guys too much to not come back.”

The next thing she knew was Rue pulling her in for a hug and Lexi not wanting it to end. Lexi’s heart yearned for Rue, and maybe it was a good thing they had this conversation. It felt good that Rue opened up to her. It felt good to actually hug Rue again. 

Lexi’s eyes fluttered shut when she felt Rue’s warm breath on her ear, her hands clutching Rue’s back firmly. 

“... Lex, I gotta pee. I’ll be right back.” She said, pulling away from the hug and quickly sitting up from her chair. 

Lexi watched as she stood up, scratched her head, and walked through the rows and columns of chairs and finally down the ramp until Lexi could no longer see her anymore. 

Sighing, she grabbed the soda she bought for the both of them and took a giant sip from it. Rue was in love with Jules, whether she liked it or not (and she definitely did not like it), and Lexi couldn’t do shit about it. However, Jules wasn’t here, so she could take advantage of this and be there for Rue now. Rue needs someone, craves mutual intimacy and love and Lexi could be the answer if Rue opened her eyes wide enough to see who truly has her back. She had a chance to make Rue feel loved in ways Jules lacked at doing. She was not going to give up on her. She needed to show Rue that she is strong and capable of overcoming anything. She needed to confess herself to Rue. She just had to catch up with her first.

Lexi put down her drink and rushed through the rows and columns of chairs, taking one last glance at the movie before walking down the ramp, exiting the room. She couldn’t care less about the movie. Right now, her mind was focused completely on Rue, and nothing else. 

The brightness of the theater hallway disoriented her for a second, causing her to rub her eyes in slight irritation. She shook her head and quickly made her way down the hall, bumping into crowds of people trying to find which room their movie was playing in, not even uttering “sorry” to them once. She couldn’t, her mind was set on finding Rue. Her heart was set. The desire to spill herself to Rue increased tenfold as she finally came face to face with the restroom and pushed it open, the crash of the door hitting the wall echoing throughout the restroom. She made her way to the only occupied stall and knocked on it firmly. 

“Shit,” Rue whispered. 

Lexi pressed her ear to the door, hearing shuffling and the toilet flushing on the other side. Lexi’s heart sunk.

No. Not again. She begged to God, not again. 

“Uh… who is it?” Rue said exasperated, opening the door and immediately shutting her eyes closed upon seeing Lexi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so y'all finished this mess of a chapter. most of it is fluff and some is angst, but that's what life consists of sometimes, whether we like it or not haha
> 
> don't worry, i love my rue rue (she is my numba 1 after all with lexi as a close second) and like the wise and beautiful zendaya once said during her atx festival Q&A:
> 
> "I want her [Rue] to know that she's good. And I want her to know that she's worthy of love and beautiful things happening and entering her life... and I always say that there is hope for Rue 'cuz if Sam [Levinson, the creator of Euphoria] is any indication of who Rue can be, she'll be alright. So there's definitely some hope there for Rue-Rue."


	3. I Miss You So Much Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi confronts Rue about relapsing. Rue deflects for a bit, but eventually opens up, thanks to Lexi's persistence. Lexi continues to fall deeper and deeper in love. And y'all we're still in day one... pray for our lexi please... she needs it :( ... but she surely gets some this chapter ;) if you know what I mean lmao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres some angst, theres some fluff, theres a reference to shrek... good luck guys i love yall :)
> 
> oh p.s. yall know the title... focus on the "too" part. "I miss you so much TOO"
> 
> alright hope you guys enjoy... i talk too much

If Lexi was being completely honest, she had no idea what to do or say to Rue. This situation closely, if not exactly, resembled their encounter in the school bathroom months ago, resulting in an aggressive Rue and a… _ heartbroken _ Lexi. It was the day Rue claimed that they weren’t best friends, a day forever burned into Lexi’s mind. Who’s to say Rue wouldn’t become hostile again? If Lexi was going to have an adult conversation without aggression, she’d have to play it nice and gentle. This wasn’t the time for panicky-worried Lexi (although that was exactly what she was feeling). This was the time for calm and understanding Lexi. 

She just had to get Rue to open her eyes first. 

“Rue,” Lexi said softly, placing her hand on Rue’s arm and gently leading her out of the stall and into the middle of the restroom, “it’s just me.”

Lexi didn’t know how long she waited, staring at Rue’s face angled towards the ceiling, and because of her height, she had quite the advantage at keeping her face far away from Lexi as possible. The longer she stared at Rue’s attempt at shielding her face, the more her heart hurt. They might not be as close as they were before, but if there’s one thing Lexi will forever be good at is reading Rue. And right now, she could tell Rue was trying to hide underneath her hard shell and not cry, because vulnerable-Rue meant panic-attack-Rue. And panic-attack-Rue was not the type to mess around with. She just wished Rue would see her as someone trying to help her, is all. 

“Rue, please look at me,” she whispered, cautiously reaching her hand up and placing it behind Rue’s neck, softly caressing her thumb on the stray curls residing back there.

Finally, Rue angled her head down, opening her eyes. She stared back at Lexi, blinking her eyes in hopes of drying them. “Lexi,” she started, her voice high-pitched and cracked, a tell-tale sign she was on her way to tears, but instead she stepped back, pulling away from Lexi’s grip and walking forward towards the row of sinks. Lexi stood in place, watching Rue turn on the faucet and begin to slowly wash her hands. She looked up through her lashes, locking eyes with Lexi through the mirror. 

“I never did compliment your look today,” she said, a smile hanging on the corner of her lips, “you look fucking amazing.”

Now was not the time for her face to heat up. She looked down at her shoes and rubbed the side of her arm, taking a deep breath before folding her arms across her chest and locking eyes in the mirror with Rue. This was not a time for games. If this wasn’t a serious matter, things would be different, but as of right now, Lexi had to focus. She had to help Rue. 

“Rue, what are you doing?” Lexi said, taking a few steps closer to the sink. “Yesterday, at the dance, Jules said you were clean for three months.”

Rue stared at her through the mirror, wet hands tightly gripping the sink’s edge. 

“And now I see you doing God knows what in the bathroom stall at the movies,” Lexi affirmed, her voice shaking. 

“Lexi, I don’t want a speech on why I’m a fuck up, okay? J… Just leave me the fuck alone.” Rue warned, her voice rising yet still trembling. 

“No, Rue. Turn around and look at me,” Lexi said, no longer staring at her through the mirror, but at her back. 

“Lexi, I swear to fucking God—”

“No, turn around and look at me.”

“If you don’t leave me the fuck alo—”

“For God's sake Rue! Look at me!” Lexi shouted, grabbing Rue and forcing her to turn around. 

Rue shook away from her grip, slamming her fist on the edge of the sink. “I’m warning you, Lexi. Leave me the fuck alone ‘cuz you don’t know shit about me! I don’t need some heartfelt advice, alright? I’ve had it too many times, and I certainly don’t want it coming from you, too.”

Lexi felt her eyes water, her hands involuntarily shaking beside her. “Rue, I’m here for you. Let me be here for you! Talk to me, please!”

She just wanted to know when she relapsed. _ How _ did she relapse? What caused it? Was it today, with her catching Rue in the act and all? Or was it yesterday when she didn’t leave with Jules? What even happened with her and Jules?

“Lexi, I… I really d… I really d-don’t want to—"

She pulled Rue in close, hugging her tightly. Rue was stiff at first, but melted into it, leaning down to hug her tighter. Lexi sighed, breathing in that classic _ Rue _ smell that she craved dearly, never wanting to let go. Her heart dropped when she felt Rue’s body shaking, the hot breath on her neck becoming more shallow. 

“Lexi…” she croaked, but Lexi held her tighter, cooing her softly.

“Let’s just stand here for a bit, okay?” 

Truth is, she could stand there all day if she could. If Rue wanted to, of course. Rue’s body was soft… Why would she ever want to let go?

Rue sniffled. “Okay.”

The door to the restroom abruptly opened causing them to jump away from each other, eyes widening at the movie theater employee walking towards them. 

“Excuse me, girls,” she said, chewing her gum and pointing to the door, “I’m gonna have to escort you guys off the premises. We got complaints that y’all were shoutin’ and cussin’ and some customers were afraid to come and take their shits, sooo.” 

“Okay, we’re… uh… very sorry. We’ll leave right away. We didn’t mean to like—” Lexi started, but stopped once Rue took her hand. 

“Let’s go, Lex.” Rue said, nodding towards the employee and leading Lexi out of the bathroom and out of the theater. 

The breeze of the outside air was way more refreshing compared to the stuffy movie theater bathroom. Lexi took a deep breath, trying her best to calm her racing heart. She looked down at Rue, who was sitting on the curb, face in her hands. 

She remembered that they both had quite the liking for Shrek. If she wanted to be there for Rue, Lexi had to understand that Rue was like an onion. She had many layers, some harder than others. She also had to know that that bathroom scene that just happened not too long ago, was only Rue’s tantrums at level two (level one being the scene during the actual movie) out of God knows how many. 

Just breathe, Lexi. If she calmed Rue down before, she could do it again… right?

Lexi walked over to Rue, sitting down on the curb beside her. She put her hand on Rue’s knee, softly caressing it.

“We didn’t even finish the movie,” Rue said, voice muffled by her hands. 

Ignoring Rue, she continued to caress Rue’s knee, watching Rue remove her hands from her face and scooch closer, looking into Lexi’s eyes. 

Oh, God. Rue was really close to her. Like _ really _close to her. 

“Are you blushing, Howard?” 

Lexi’s eyes widened, looking at the curb underneath them, and back to Rue’s piercing eyes. “Yes. No! No, I’m just… it’s hot out here… Anyga… Anyways, Rue. We still have to talk about—”

“I know, I know.” 

Lexi raised her eyebrow at her. “This isn’t a joke, Rue. We have to for real talk about this now or later tonight. This conversation is happening before this day ends, okay?” 

Rue nodded. “Yeah. I understand.”

Did she, though? Lexi still had a ton of questions at the tip of her tongue, and she was gonna get them the easy way or the hard way. Whichever Rue wanted first. 

Lexi chewed her lip, deciding what to say next. They could go and hang at her house, if Rue wanted to, of course. Cassie wouldn’t be a problem, and her mom would be either be at work or asleep. Plus, she had to watch over Rue as much as possible. She had to do whatever she could to help her with her drug problem. Speaking of drugs, did she still have any on her? She knew she heard the toilet flushing, but Rue was smart. She, unfortunately, had years of experience under her belt. She was unpredictable.

Lexi stood up, holding out her hand for Rue to take. Some would say she was becoming addicted to the whole “hand-holding” thing, but could anyone really blame her? Rue Bennett had soft ass hands, and she was gonna hold them as often as she could. Who wouldn’t?

Rue sighed, standing up and taking Lexi’s hand. “What are we gonna do now?”

“Do you… wanna hang at my place? Cassie is gone with her friends probably, and my mom… she should be knocked out on the couch cuddling with her empty glass of wine,” she said, softly chuckling.

Rue nodded, beginning to walk forward, but Lexi stopped her. 

“What’s up, Howard?” She asked, head tilted. 

Lexi stepped closer to her, eyes narrowed. “Empty yo’ pockets.”

  
Rue scoffed, eyes narrowing back at the shorter girl. “Wow. Wow. Wow.”

Lexi stepped even closer, finger touching Rue’s forehead. “I said what I said, and I meant what I said. Empty ‘em.”

  
Rue squinted her eyes one more time before surrendering, stepping back and emptying the *many* contents out of her pockets. 

  
Out came some loose popcorn, some dice, a 20 pc receipt of nuggets from McDonald’s, a house key, her headsets, her phone, and no little baggies. 

“Is that all, Rue?” Lexi said, still unsatisfied. 

Rue rolled her eyes, taking off her hoodie and passing it to Lexi. “Check the pockets for yourself, Howard.” 

Lexi’s eyes widened, admiring Rue in her tank top. Why was she so perfect? Like how--

“Are you checking me out or the hoodie—”

“Rue, just shush. Please.” Lexi said impatiently, searching through her hoodie and coming to the conclusion that Rue was right. She had nothing. 

“Ma’am, I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to pat you down. You know, it’s protocol.” Lexi added, looking at Rue’s pockets on her sweatpants. 

Rue rolled her eyes and put her arms out, spreading her legs. “Just get on with it, Bennett. I flushed my stash in the toilet, but go ahead.”

Lexi stepped in front of Rue, eyeing her down as she patted her bare arms (much to Rue’s confusion), and finally her legs, putting her hands into Rue’s pockets. Surprisingly they were empty, except for the stray balls of cotton or crumbs. 

“Having fun there?” Rue said, sighing.

Lexi rolled her eyes, taking her hands out of her pockets and climbing onto her bike. “Just hurry your ass up.”

“Wow, the disrespect.” Rue chuckled, smirking as she climbed behind her. 

Lexi kicked off, pedaling off of the curb and down the street. “Do you wanna hit McDonald’s real quick? I’m kinda craving some nuggets.”

“God, you’re the best, Lex.” Rue giggled, resting her head on her back. 

* * *

It was dark when they arrived at Lexi’s house, unashamedly spending too much time at McDonald’s, then aimlessly walking around Target for a bit, and finally hitting the closest convenience store for a pair of slushies. 

And Rue _ still _ hasn’t told Lexi about the details on her relapse. Every time she reminded Rue that they still have _ so much _ to talk about, Rue laughed and took Lexi’s hand in hers, quickly changing the subject. 

  
Sure, Rue was charming, but definitely not to the point where Lexi would let something as important as _ this _ go without discussion. She was going to talk seriously with Rue whether she had to lock the two of them in her room or even strap her down. It was Rue’s choice on how she wanted it to go. 

“Do you think your mom’s asleep?” Rue asked, sipping her slushie. 

God. Lexi hoped she was. She loved her mom, but her mom loved to ask questions. And if Rue was the one being interviewed, Lexi just knew it would all go to hell. 

“She might be,” Lexi answered, peeping through the windows. She couldn’t see her mom, so there was a possibility she was up in her bed, asleep. However, there also was a possibility she was in the kitchen doing whatever it was moms do. There was no way to tell. “Let’s just go in super quietly, alright?”

Rue nodded, watching Lexi slowly put the key in the door knob and begin to slowly turn it. She pushed open the door and motioned for Rue to step in first as she carefully closed the door behind them. Unfortunately for her, she wasn’t careful enough.

“Cassie? Is that you?” Her mother’s voice asked from upstairs.

“Mom. It’s me, Lexi.” Lexi said aloud, trying to be quick with her words. “Is it okay if Rue sleeps over?”

There was a short pause before her mother answered. “Yeah, Rue is welcome anytime.”

Lexi glanced at Rue and nodded her head, the both of them walking upstairs to her room. 

  
“Thanks, Ms. Howard.” Rue said aloud before being pulled into Lexi’s room. 

Lexi sat on the edge of her bed, watching Rue fidget with her hands in her pockets and look around the room, as if she did not know what to do next. 

“Hey,” Lexi started, playing with the rips on her jeans, “We should probably change.”

Rue looked at Lexi, nodding her head. “Yeah.” 

Lexi walked towards her dresser, pulling out an over-sized t-shirt and a pair of pj bottoms. Rue always used to come and borrow her pjs, so Lexi had no worries on if they’d fit her or not. She knew they would. 

“Here,” Lexi said, holding out the clothes for Rue. 

Rue stepped close, taking the clothes from her. “Thanks.” 

Lexi went to her dresser and pulled out some pjs for herself, her heart pounding. Sure, she’s seen Rue in her underwear before. It’s just that it’s been so long, and… she didn’t know if she’d be able to handle it. No, she _ definitely _ knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

The two of them stared at each other, both of them rolling the bundles of clothes in their hands. 

Rue started first. “So, um… should I… uh…”

Lexi bowed her head down, her face heating up. “Yeah… So, I’m just gonna… haha… slip my head out of my shirt.” She murmured, turning her back to Rue and beginning to take off her shirt. 

She tried slipping her top off but struggled to take her head out, pulling at it clumsily. Jesus, could anything ever go as planned? 

She heard Rue laughing and turned around, fully knowing that her top was suffocating her face and her bra was on display. 

“You need some help with that, Lex?” She laughed, stepping closer to her. 

Lexi was relieved that Rue couldn’t see the state her face was in now, because she could feel her face legit melting off. But if there was one thing Rue could see, was her boobs. Lexi’s heart was gonna fall out of her chest any second, she just knew it. 

“Uh… yeah! Yeah. Thanks,” she said, her voice muffled. She held her breath when she felt Rue’s close proximity, breathing right behind her. She gently put her hands on either side of Lexi’s shirt, and slowly pulled up, detangling her head and efficiently removing the shirt from Lexi’s big head. 

Lexi slowly turned around, face to face with her taller counterpart, swallowing thickly.

Lexi looked up into her brown eyes, their faces just a tiny space away. It was maddening how silent the room was, the only exception being their shallow breaths. She couldn’t tell if she was breathing heavily or Rue, but she came to the conclusion that it was mostly her once Rue leaned in even closer. If that was even possible. 

Lexi continued to stare right into Rue’s eyes, the gentle feel of their breasts touching making her suck in a desperate breath. She felt Rue’s hands slowly come to her bare waist, her eyes barely opened yet still focusing straight into Lexi’s soul. Their foreheads were touching now, their lips so close that Lexi could almost feel their lips touch. Lexi closed her eyes, leaning in slowly. Their lips just _ barely _ brushed when the door abruptly opened, Cassie on the other side.

“Lex, you will _ not _ believe what Kat di—” she said stopping, eyes widened at a guilty Rue standing next to an equally guilty topless Lexi. 

“What… what is going on here?” Cassie asked, still standing in the doorway. 

Did Cassie see? She couldn’t have, they didn’t even do anything to begin with… right? Right!?

Lexi opened her mouth, but no words came out. Rue looked at Lexi and back to Cassie. “Lexi’s uh… shirt? Top! Her top got stuck on her head. You know, she has a big head and all, haha.” Rue said, her voice unusually high. 

Cassie looked at Rue and then towards Lexi. 

“Ohhhkay…” Cassie said, stripping off her outfit and changing into her pjs, nonchalantly. “I’m gonna go downstairs and… get some water,” looking at them once more before closing the door behind her. 

Lexi glanced at Rue, grabbing her pjs and walking to the door, opening it. Remembering that she was still topless, she held her pjs up to her chest.

“Um… I'm gonna go pee… like before bed.” Lexi said quickly. Rue nodded, still standing in the center of the room. Lexi closed the door behind her, running towards the bathroom. She shut herself in, locking it. 

  
“What the fuck.” She whispered to herself, slipping on her pj top and quickly stripping off her jeans and putting on her shorts. “What the _ actual _ fuck.”

They almost kissed. **KISSED** . What the fuck, Lexi? She remembered Cassie’s words: “ _ You go and do whoever the fuck you want.” _And here she was, doing that… but not going all the way! But she had to cut herself some slack, she had no idea Rue would get so close to her. She was right there, about to kiss her, time stopped, and then Cassie bursts through the door like the Kool-Aid man? Hell no. 

She brushed her teeth and did her face routine at an unusually slow pace, afraid to go back and return to her room. After a good ten minutes passed by, she took a deep breath and exited the bathroom, hand hovering over the door knob. 

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and entered her room. Rue was sitting on the edge of her bed, changed into her pjs, nodding her head to whatever nonsense Cassie was saying right next to her. 

Wait. When the hell did Cassie get back in the room? And how in the hell was she supposed to talk seriously with Rue when Cassie was right there? 

“Why are you standing there staring into space, Lex?” Cassie chuckled, getting up from Lexi’s bed and climbing onto hers across the room. She turned her head in Rue’s direction, “I had no idea that Kat was that flexible. Like even more so than me! Like what!” 

Rue laughed, “Me neither, man.”

Lexi sat on the edge of her bed, joining Rue. Lexi could feel the taller girl tense up, almost immediately. 

“Oh my God! The new season of Glow is on Netflix! Yolanda here I come,” Cassie said, slipping in her airpods and lying down on her stomach, the lamp near her turned off.

Lexi glanced to Rue, it was time. And almost as if Rue knew, she nodded her head. “Can we talk about the thing now?” Lexi asked.

Rue cleared her throat. “I… I’m sorry if you were uncomfortable when I… we… almost kissed and—”

Lexi’s eyes popped out, frantically placing her hand on Rue’s pajama pants. “NO! No. I-I’m talking about your relapse. Not… haha… not _ that _.”

Shit. The kiss. Just one more thing to add to their list to talk about. Could Lexi ever get it easy?

Rue nodded, looking down at Lexi’s hand on her thigh. Lexi looked down too, chuckling awkwardly before returning her hands to her own lap. “Okay, I wanna know all the details about your relapse, so we can prevent it from happening again.”

“Lexi,” Rue said, cutting her off, “I told Jules that we should run away together, but before we actually did… I chickened out. She ended up leaving, and I went home feeling empty and lost. Then, I got my secret stash and snorted a line. I feel shitty for doing it… okay? I just… Jules has this hold on me… I don’t know why.”

Lexi nodded her head, her chest tightening. “Jules, huh.” 

Rue nodded. “She’s so different… like she’s so real, not like anyone I’ve ever met before… she’s just… wow.” Rue bowed her head, resting it in her hands. “I’m a mess, I know. I texted her like a few minutes ago, to just check up on her, ‘cuz I’m obsessive and clingy and a burden and I just can’t let her have fun in peace. I always slow her down. Ali told me she’d leave me… I just didn’t think she would leave so soon.”

Lexi took Rue’s hand in hers, causing Rue to sit up and look into her eyes. “Rue, you are not a mess. You can be obsessive and clingy… but who isn’t nowadays? Hell, I am,” Lexi squeezed Rue’s hands tighter, “But most important of all, you are not a burden. Just like I said at the Halloween party, and I’m saying it once more now, you are_ not _ a burden. Not to anyone.”

Lexi raised her hands, cupping Rue’s face. “And never to me,” she whispered, pulling Rue in close, their lips colliding. Rue sighed into her mouth, her hands tangling in her hair. Lexi’s whole body ignited, the feel of Rue’s soft lips on hers, her warmth spreading her from head to toe. Rue pushed forward, tentatively asking permission with her tongue, causing to Lexi to moan softly in acceptance. Her mind was spinning, her hands were burning, everything in her was burning. She wanted Rue, like, really badly, but her sister was just a few steps away. She couldn’t have a hardcore makeout sesh (even though she oh so wanted to) with her sister right there, especially with Rue, someone Cassie knows as their mutual friend. So, she pulled away, her eyes popping open, peeking at Cassie, who was softly snoring to the sound of her show playing, and then back at Rue. It took a second for Rue to open her eyes, and when she did, Lexi could’ve swore her eyes were darker. Rue had to feel something for her, she just had to. That kiss was way too passionate to be platonic… and my God, Rue was a good kisser. 

They didn’t say anything for a few seconds, before Lexi dipped her head down, pushing a stray curl behind her right ear. “We should go to bed, Rue.” 

Rue nodded, swallowing thickly. “Y-yeah… bedtime, Howard.”

Lexi put her hair into a bun and crawled up on the bed, pulling open the comforter and snuggling under it. Rue still sat on the edge of the bed, silently watching her. Lexi patted her hand on the open space to the right of her, and Rue’s eyes widened for a second, before she put on her cool facade (Lexi knew Rue like the back of her hand), crawling up the bed and climbing under the blankets next to Lexi. 

Before Rue could say anything, Lexi scooted closer to Rue, hugging her from behind. Lexi’s body tingled hearing the immediate sigh emitted from the taller girl, causing her to hug her tighter. 

“Y’know I’m taller, right?”

Lexi smiled, her face breathing in Rue’s beautiful curls. “... And?”

God, she hated how deep she was falling for Bennett.

“Annnnnnd,” Rue abruptly turned around, face to face with Lexi causing her to gasp, “that means I’m the big spoon.” Lexi smiled, staring dazedly at Rue’s lips but quickly towards Rue’s eyes. 

She was falling deeper and deeper. Faster and faster. 

“Turn over, Howard. Come on,” Rue giggled, holding Lexi’s hips and pushing her to face the other way. Rue scooted closer, hugging her from behind. Lexi was in heaven. 

“Night, Howard.” Rue murmured, burying her face into the back of Lexi’s neck.

Lexi sighed, begging her heart to calm down. “Night, Bennett.” She closed her eyes, holding Rue’s hands which were wrapped around her torso. Everything was perfect, the feel of Rue’s soft body, the sound of Rue’s soft breathing, Rue’s soft scent… Lexi had never been happier. However, the second they fell into a deep slumber, Rue’s phone vibrated on Lexi’s bedside table, lighting up the room for a few seconds before the room was back to black.

_ From Jules: i miss you so much too, rue. God you don’t even know how much. <3 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! this is by far my favorite chapter i have posted so far... so sorry that it's so long... i just can't hELp myself.
> 
> God, don't y'all just love our Lexi? She deserves all the love in the world, truly. Also, baby rue rue, we will help you in this fic... dont u worry. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome!! Also, like could y'all recommend me some gay shows cuz this girl is deprived and desperate for some good ass content.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :) also leave comments cuz comments make this girl feel like she did something right for once :)))
> 
> follow me on twitter @jasmin_mendoza  
and tumblr if u want @kadenalover321


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